I had my hernia surgery on the 10th and today is the first time I have felt like getting on the computer. The hernia surgery went well but my Surgeon came to me right before starting surgery (Before the wonderful drugs were adminstered) and asked me, "Marsha, do you really want to go through this?" I asked why and she said "There is a lot of cancer in your lungs, this can be a tough surgery to recover from and I wanted you to understand that" I asked her, her professional thoughts and she said "Let's do the surgery" I was in the hospital over night. very nice nurses. Only had pain when I had to get up or down to go to the bathroom and they helped me with the moving then a wonderful shot of demorol would come. Tom and I did not prepare well for the hurdles at home of getting up from the bed or down onto the bed or lying comfortably in bed so finally yestereday we went and bought a walker, not to help me walk as I can do that pretty good of slowly, put as support to get into or out of bed and a wedge for me to lay on instead of rolled blankets and pillows and it seems to work great.
I have started to see a Therapist/Social Worker, for now once a week to talk over issues and to help me learn where these panic attacks and some of my emotional problems are coming from. Still having pain and taking percocet but doing well, losing weight as I really have no appetite. I saw my Surgeon for a check up yesterday and all is healing well, I asked her about her question to me before surgery and she said she just wanted me to be aware of the recovery time and balance that against my cancer. I see her again on the 3rd of October and am going to try to call today to see if I can get in to see my Oncologist the same day.
This is the short version and will add to it later as I feel up to it, thank you all for your prayers and thoughts.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Sunday, September 5, 2010
Does cancer or chemotherapy change you?
As a person who knows without a doubt I am going to die from this and have no idea when let me share some observations.
It is hard on both the person who has cancer and is going through treatments or even not going through treatments and it is hard on other people around that person whether caregiver, family member, husband/wife, girlfriend/boyfriend or friends.
I am changed, It changed me from the day they told me my surgeon told me he felt a mass in my colon while checking to make sure no surgical implements or towels or pads had been left behind from a total hysterectomy. (No "medical" need for the hysterectomy, I had simply had enough of the "monthly" thing, had, had my tubes tied since the birth of my second son in 1978 and was nearing menopause). It changed me again when I was told it was Stage IV metastasized to my lungs and liver. It changed me again when I started chemotherapy and found out I had the KRAS mutation which means my chemotherapy options were limited, it changed me when the chemotherapy had me so I could not think of a word I wanted to say or think how to spell T H E, it changed me in July after I spent two weeks in hell dealing with side effects from chemotherapy and decided to stop chemotherapy. It changed me this week when I finally got my results of my last CEA level from 08/16/10 and it had jumped 120 points in two weeks, it changed me again when I did some calculations and figured out how much my CEA level might be now (I figure 400-500) I don't know for sure as even though I had decided to stop chemotherapy anyways, my oncologist really has had nothing to do with me as I go in for hernia surgery this friday and there's nothing for him to do until after the surgery and I recover. It changed the way I looked at the world; sometimes if I am on an upswing all is beautiful and bright and I can almost feel hope, sometimes when on a downswing as now it's a cold lonely world. It changed me this morning when my boyfriend was trying to figure out where to put the new television he bought and I was trying to explain to him I would trip over the cords if he put it on one side of the room and trailed the cords across the door front and got me frustrated to the point I said "I don't care, put it where you want to put it I won't be here that long anyway" and he absentmindly said "I know"
It changed me, both the chemotherapy and the cancer itself and I wish to God they had never told me I had cancer, just let me go until I didn't go anymore.
It is hard on both the person who has cancer and is going through treatments or even not going through treatments and it is hard on other people around that person whether caregiver, family member, husband/wife, girlfriend/boyfriend or friends.
I am changed, It changed me from the day they told me my surgeon told me he felt a mass in my colon while checking to make sure no surgical implements or towels or pads had been left behind from a total hysterectomy. (No "medical" need for the hysterectomy, I had simply had enough of the "monthly" thing, had, had my tubes tied since the birth of my second son in 1978 and was nearing menopause). It changed me again when I was told it was Stage IV metastasized to my lungs and liver. It changed me again when I started chemotherapy and found out I had the KRAS mutation which means my chemotherapy options were limited, it changed me when the chemotherapy had me so I could not think of a word I wanted to say or think how to spell T H E, it changed me in July after I spent two weeks in hell dealing with side effects from chemotherapy and decided to stop chemotherapy. It changed me this week when I finally got my results of my last CEA level from 08/16/10 and it had jumped 120 points in two weeks, it changed me again when I did some calculations and figured out how much my CEA level might be now (I figure 400-500) I don't know for sure as even though I had decided to stop chemotherapy anyways, my oncologist really has had nothing to do with me as I go in for hernia surgery this friday and there's nothing for him to do until after the surgery and I recover. It changed the way I looked at the world; sometimes if I am on an upswing all is beautiful and bright and I can almost feel hope, sometimes when on a downswing as now it's a cold lonely world. It changed me this morning when my boyfriend was trying to figure out where to put the new television he bought and I was trying to explain to him I would trip over the cords if he put it on one side of the room and trailed the cords across the door front and got me frustrated to the point I said "I don't care, put it where you want to put it I won't be here that long anyway" and he absentmindly said "I know"
It changed me, both the chemotherapy and the cancer itself and I wish to God they had never told me I had cancer, just let me go until I didn't go anymore.
Saturday, September 4, 2010
Just some thoughts about CEA level and upcoming surgery
Thank you for your responses and well you know me, the least bit of things happening and I go off half cocked and into panic attack land but I don't think I was too bad this time was I? (grins) So I figure by now if the CEA level is rising at the same rate I should be somewhere in the 400's but Tuesday I go in for my "pre-operation" tests, including a blood draw and think I will ask them if they will run a CEA level just to see as my Oncologist won't be in the picture until I heal enoough from the operation to start getting around and up and down the stairs and able to head to see him or his P.A. From what I have read on the internet, I am pretty much looking at the end of September beginning of October which will be when my Oncologist will also order a PET scan. So anyone want to bet on what my CEA level will be then? I am taking (doing calculations in my head) 800 as my number LOL.
I am getting a bit scared about surgery as now we are under the week mark. For someone who is not a surgery fan and would never do cosmetic surgery purely because of the throwing up after coming out of GA part and the pain part I seem to have had a lot of surgeries in my life.
1968 - Tonsils out
1978 - Tubal Ligation
1993 - Urethra Stretched (Don't know the technical term)
1996 - Gall bladder removal
2005 - Bladder Lift
2008 - Total Hysterectomy
2008 - Colectomy
2008 - Repair of shattered left ankle
2010 - (Upcoming) Hernia Repair
So anyways we went to the store yesterday, bought regular groceries as well as broth, soups, canned fruits, applesauce, oatmeal, Pre-made jello, and assorted juices and teas and such for me after the surgery. Today we go to buy Tom's present to himself, His 46" LCD? TV with blue ray player. He already bought the stand and got another HDVR from the cable company and all this is in the living room across from the daybed I bought (all beautiful cherrywood although different shades (I had no idea that cherry wood came in different shades?!?!!?) He's wanted this TV for a long time and more recently because he does work sometimes until 11pm then comes home and of course needs downtime to relax before he goes to sleep. I usually make it though watching Bill O'Reilly with him then am out cold until he has the TV on something (Like last night the football game he had recorded) and I get jolted out of sleep then am crabby and Pee'd off untl I can go back to sleep.
And I have several times when my hernia was hurting just grabbed a pillow and gone to sleep in the living room on the day bed as when I am hurting all I want is for the pain pill to work and knock me out so I don't feel the pain.
So this way, when I come home from the hospital if he wants to watch TV he can without waking me up (Bless his considerate heart that is a boy in a man's body excited about a new "toy" I am surprised he's not awake yet and saying "What time does the store open?" (It's 8:46am here)
Anyways I again thank you all for your words and will keep you updated or Tom will for a few days I guess after my surgery. I keep you all in my prayers and heart and (((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))) each of you.
I am getting a bit scared about surgery as now we are under the week mark. For someone who is not a surgery fan and would never do cosmetic surgery purely because of the throwing up after coming out of GA part and the pain part I seem to have had a lot of surgeries in my life.
1968 - Tonsils out
1978 - Tubal Ligation
1993 - Urethra Stretched (Don't know the technical term)
1996 - Gall bladder removal
2005 - Bladder Lift
2008 - Total Hysterectomy
2008 - Colectomy
2008 - Repair of shattered left ankle
2010 - (Upcoming) Hernia Repair
So anyways we went to the store yesterday, bought regular groceries as well as broth, soups, canned fruits, applesauce, oatmeal, Pre-made jello, and assorted juices and teas and such for me after the surgery. Today we go to buy Tom's present to himself, His 46" LCD? TV with blue ray player. He already bought the stand and got another HDVR from the cable company and all this is in the living room across from the daybed I bought (all beautiful cherrywood although different shades (I had no idea that cherry wood came in different shades?!?!!?) He's wanted this TV for a long time and more recently because he does work sometimes until 11pm then comes home and of course needs downtime to relax before he goes to sleep. I usually make it though watching Bill O'Reilly with him then am out cold until he has the TV on something (Like last night the football game he had recorded) and I get jolted out of sleep then am crabby and Pee'd off untl I can go back to sleep.
And I have several times when my hernia was hurting just grabbed a pillow and gone to sleep in the living room on the day bed as when I am hurting all I want is for the pain pill to work and knock me out so I don't feel the pain.
So this way, when I come home from the hospital if he wants to watch TV he can without waking me up (Bless his considerate heart that is a boy in a man's body excited about a new "toy" I am surprised he's not awake yet and saying "What time does the store open?" (It's 8:46am here)
Anyways I again thank you all for your words and will keep you updated or Tom will for a few days I guess after my surgery. I keep you all in my prayers and heart and (((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))) each of you.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
CEA level from 08/16/2010
Knew it was going to happen but finally got my CEA level from blood draw of 08/16/10, it is 284.8 so pretty much a 120 rise in two weeks from 163.7 on 08/02/10. Still not the highest it ever got which I think was like 494 or something after my very first chemotherapy treatment back in September of 2009. But it is going up and will only continue to as I have eight days still before my hernia surgery then a recovery period and then maybe the clinical trial but they are still on FDA clinical hold and might be still even after I recover. I think I will be getting a PET scan the last week of this month or the first part of October (whenever I can deal with getting up and out after surgery and recovery) so will know better then how much worse things are but I can tell from the rise in a short time, things are not going to progress as slowly as I thought it might. So we shall see after the PET scan, who knows maybe by that time it will have gotten high enough to scare me back into chemotherapy (wry grin). I think I can handle anything with God's help but am a bit upset over the jump in numbers in such a small amount of time.
Anyways please pray for me and I know, there are people who have CEA levels of 1500 or so who still are not close to the end so I will focus on the upcoming hernia surgery, surviving and recovering from that and then see what happens.
God bless and am thinking of and praying for you all.
Anyways please pray for me and I know, there are people who have CEA levels of 1500 or so who still are not close to the end so I will focus on the upcoming hernia surgery, surviving and recovering from that and then see what happens.
God bless and am thinking of and praying for you all.
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