Back to the grind

So today I go back for chemotherapy after a little over a month off. I am really questioning if I want to do this, I know the side effects that will come from Folfox-6 and Avastin, I know that other than maybe Folfiri (which I am pretty sure my Oncologist will rule out as an option) I have no more conventional chemotherapies left after this. So it comes down to how long with the Folfox-6 and Avastin continue to work at fighting back the cancer cells before they become immune to it or the cancer just advances as it did on the Camptosar and Avastin? And what about my quality of life? There are no more conventional therapies left, there are only 1 or 2 clinical trials in my area and travelling is out of the question and do I really want to be a guinea pig for my Oncologist with chemotherapy's that have worked on others cancers and he "thinks" might have a chance on working on mine. When does it come to just a quality of life issue? Especially with the hard side effects of fatigue, nausea, vomiting, diarrhea and the neuropathy and sensitivity to cold that will come with the Folfox-6.

Right now I don't know where my CEA levels are at, I know that having been off chemotherapy for a bit over a month might make a PET scan if I had one now light up like a christmas tree and I am thinking if the Folfox-6 and Avastin can get me to where I was at the start of all this (CEA and PET scan wise) before the chemotherapy can make my life too hard and do to much lasting damage of just stopping right there.

Because honestly and realistically mine is not going to be a "cure" story or even a "remission" story. I am enough of a realist to know this and face it and although I know God has me in His hand and looks over me, with my stage of colon cancer, with the fact that it was stage IV and in the lymph nodes and in the lungs and liver from the day they found it coming up on two years ago and from the damnable KRAS mutation I know unless God decides to give me a miracle the best I can expect from this is a year or two more with my Tom as my health becomes better from being off the chemotherapy and I regain strength and then a decline further down the road and finally I will be with God. But I don't think that will happen until I see at least my 52nd birthday.

So okay going to try to talk with my Oncologist's PA today as she is the one I am seeing about these things and if she can give some advice fine if not then I will see how much I can take before I say enough and it might not be much.

Have a great and wonderful day everyone and I will post either later today or tomorrow. All my thoughts and prayers are with each and everyone as Tom and I leave out with coffee and bagels in hand to head toward something I really do not want to do.

Love,

Marsha