I wish

I wish I had never found out I had cancer, I would give anything to not know and to just be oblivious to it until the end.

I wish I had never started chemotherapy.  I don't think it has appreciably added any time to my time here on earth and I have gone through really bad times.

I wish I had been a better daughter to my adoptive parents and that they were still alive and that I had family and friends around me in my times of need.

I wish I had a car and could still drive so I could take myself to the ER when needed.  I need to go but because I put everyone else in front of me, I told my Oncologist when I called him this morning because I have been in pain for about 24 hours now that I could not go to the ER because Tom had to go to work.

I wish I knew where this pain is coming from and that it would stop.  It is like a band around upper abdomen, sides and back and feels like the muscles are spasming and now it is starting to hurt when I breathe like before.  I hurt and yet there is nothing Tom can do for me and I am helpless to do for myself except take Vicodin all day and night.

I wish ............  a lot of things.