Back from my "talk" appointment with my oncologist

Back from the oncologist


I wimped out, between him and my boyfriends "hurrahs" for him I got tired of fighting and said "fine, I'll see you Monday for my avastin treatment"

He again asserted he could "cure" me, do you want to know what his definition of cure is? and I quote "keeping you alive long enough for something else to kill you"

So if I go out tomorrow and get hit by a bus he will consider me "cured" because cancer did not kill me.
If they have to take me off avastin for surgery and I have a heart attack I will be "cured" as the cancer did not kill me.

This is not MY definition of cured. but that does not matter because his attitude (what he shows me) is "I am a great and godlike physician and I know more than you do so no matter how much research you have done or people you have talked to on the web or (this) forum(s), sit down and shut up and do as I say because I know it all)

He bullied his way thorugh the conversation I rarely got a chance to speak and when I did he had an answer for everything

"Oh Medicare will pay for at least part of the clinical trial" (I had already told him I called them and they will pay for part yes but not the $15,000 experimental drug "Oh you talked to someone that does not know what they were talking about"

"Oh Tricare for life will pay for at least part of the clincal trial" I just called them, same answer as Medicare.

"Well the woman you talked to at the clinica trial is only the secretary she does not know what she is talking about "I'LL" talk to the Dr, and maybe as a favor they will get you in without the $15,000"

When I told him I had looked up avastin and studies have shown by itself as a maintenence drug it does not do a damn thing he said "print that out and show it to me on Monday because that's not what I have seen"

When I asked him why he took me off the chemotherapy and put me on avastin at the 3 month mark instead of six months evaluation what to do further he said and I again quote "I changed my mind"

And for the kicker a year and five months after I was diagnosed SOMEONE (my oncologist) finally let it slip;

I have the KRAS mutation meaning that most of the second or third line chemotherapies are out for me because like erbutix they won't do anything because of the mutation, would have kind of been nice to know this say even WHEN I FIRST STARTED SEEING "THIS" oncologist.

and to top it off when I asked for my last CEA levels he did not have them because although for three months regular as clockword he ordered them every other Monday when my blood work was drawn and before I saw him or his PA and then had treatment it was standard procedure to have the CEA levels also done from the bloodwork and yet this past chemotherapy (before they put me on avastin alone) or the avastin alone treatment last Monday? "I didn't order it"

DUCK ME and I mean with an F not a D.

I am so pissed right now and mostly at myself for allowing myself to be railroaded and because I am simply too tired to fight this man anymore and to tired to run around looking for other Oncologists, I give up, he can do what he wants and I accept it.

I am going to take two valium, smoke a couple cigarettes and go to sleep before I start crying.

Thank you all for thinking of me and praying for me and your concern. Will update after my treatment Monday. Oh and one more thing, the urologist his PA had me schedule an appontment with for next tuesday? He cancelled that appointment and made me one for Jan 27 for a consult with a urologist "he" likes.

okay on the verge of tears and so tired so over and out for now.