CEA level from 11/23/09

Down to double digits = 74!!!!!!.  Exhausted and moving tomorrow, not feeling to hot but will make it through, just wanted to update.

November 23rd's chemo session

Okay does it get any worse than this cause if it does just kill me now.  Went in on Monday 23rd for chemo, my god first it was a workout to get the blood flowing from the port; sit down, stand up, raise your arms, lower your arms, raise one arm, lower that one, raise the other arms, lay back, well finally they got it and drew the blood. 

Then went in to see the Oncologist's Assistant Christine, she says my white blood cell count was 3.4, and it was up to 5, while anything under 2 is bad, well she "decided" she wanted me to get a 1/2 a shot to bring the count back up on Weds when I had the port taken out. (WTF? 3.4 isn't under 2???????!!!!!????)  Also she is setting me up for my PET scan AND giving me a week off chemo as we are moving ~ Yeah but also scared about what the pesky cancer cells will do while I take a break.  She also says we may have to lower the dosages on some of the chemo meds.

So I go in to get chemo and everything goes fine at first..... we watched videos on my laptop, I slept, we talked then all of a sudden this horrendous pain hit my stomach, it was like someone thrust a fist through and grabbed my stomach and twisted it..... no throwing up no diarrhea just this horrendous pain.  I tried to bear with it but couldn't and started crying and my nurse came over and checked on me, she went and talked to the Oncologist and came back and gave me a shot of morphine (Oh sweet relief) that helped tremendously.  Then a little bit later the 5-FU was pushed and then the pack set up and we went home. 

I thought I was going to die that night.... I got the chills so bad could not get warm and could not sleep and my pains hit again but not as bad but when I started crying my eyes hurt so bad I don't know which was worse moaning and writhing in pain from my gut or crying and my eyes burning (does the chemo come out in your tear ducts??)

Tuesday pretty much the same but Monday night and Tuesday had diarrhea and wet the bed so Tom helped me and did laundry and made me comfortable.  Monday really didn't eat anything, just tried to sip Gatorade, Tuesday had some broth, Gatorade's (sips) and water (sips). Wednesday finally ate a cheese sandwich and a banana and a full Gatorade and part of a pedialyte (God that stuff tastes terrible).

Wednesday got the pack removed and got two shots.   One to bring my white blood count up and the other was a mixture of steroid, antibiotic and pain killer.

Came  home, Tom went to work and I laid in bed all day, had a banana sandwich and sprite.  Felt better but fatigued and just took it easy.

Had a great Thanksgiving, Tom went out and got us meals from Coco's which were really good and we laid in bed and watched movies (Angels and Demons is great by the way)  Been taking my pills so no nausea but last night my eyes hurt so very bad I had to put a wet cloth over them for a time.

Today am better, still fatigued but going to take it easy, read and watch TV today and just ride out the tiredness.  Pepto does help with diarrhea and believe me if they give you compazine TAKE it after you eat something in the morning it does away with the nausea altogether.

Am having the neuropathy with hands and feet and my feet are starting to peel so bag balm is going to get put on today with socks.

My PET scan is set up for December 7th, and my next chemo session is December 14th.

Will keep ya'll updated and hope everyone had a good and safe Thanksgiving.

XOXOXOXOXO

Why am I even doing this

Why am I even doing the chemo, not like anyone cares if I die.  Yeah poor woe is me mood again.  I am not mad, just disapointed and rethinking my way of looking at someone.  Tired, hurt, packed and moved everything but "his" clothes as with one week and two days to go someone had to do it, we had a fight last night and I am doing nothing anymore, no packing, no unpacking when we get there, no cleaning, no cooking, he can have his life like he "supposedly" had it before, I'll lay in bed and eat bonbons, I will not allow myself to cry although he hurt me deeply and he has not even bothered to want to discuss with me some issues I brought up when we talked on the phone last night while he was at work.

Seems I'm no longer a priority with him, oh well, he won't have to put up with me long......................

Had a wonderful day yesterday and today is just the day we laid around the house

Well yesterday we went to see 2012 (Great Great Movie) then we walked the mall and we went to Kohl's and got me some warm booties for the coming winter, we went through Barnes and Noble and I had to sit down like 5 times as fatigue was just overcoming me. 

I really really hate that part of the chemo, I walk up 15 steps to our studio and have to rest like every third step, that and the diarrhea, am steadily keeping a bottle of pepto by my bedside to stave that off as my poor little butt, eeeps sorry TMI.

Anyways, we went window shopping to get some ideas for our new place and then to Coco's to get a pumpkin pie to bring home.  I was hoping to cook a turkey dinner for Thanksgiving but Tom decided platters from Coco's of their Turkey Feast and another pumpkin pie so the strain on me is minimum.

I also gave in on wanting to try a different cat litter, Tom is going back to the cat litter and will take over scooping some on the litter and on cleaning the boxes when needed so He is definitely willing to help me.

Got some good news from my Oncologist my CEA from 11/09/09 is 113 so it IS steadily dropping.  On the 23rd is my sixth chemo treatment and I talk to my Oncologist's assistant about scheduling my PET scan so we can decide do we keep going with chemo, do we do surgery, do we try ablation or what so will keep you up to date.

We move two weeks from today so probably won't post until chemo on Monday as I will be busy cleaning and boxing some more stuff up, but I will take care of myself and take it easy I promise.

Talk to you on Monday and take of yourselves, ya'll .............................

Things have been going okay this week except;

Diarrhea (can't tell if the pepto is helping, as of the last two nights it's not, but I am still trying, nausea (although the compazine is helping), mood swings although my wonderful Tom is helping with the crying by just holding me and talking  things through and the neuropathy which is getting worse.  But all in all I don't have it as bad as others do and well I am just struggling through to after the next chemo session to find out the results of the PET scan.

I used to role play and then just talking on a bulletin board on an online fantasy world, today I realized it's nothing more than a distraction and my energies and thoughts and feelings and attention need to be on Tom, my Miracle and on myself and my disease and treatment.

Thank You Tom, for being with me through this and helping me through it, I love you so much and am soooo very grateful for having you in my life and for You being the person you are.

5th Chemo session

So yesterday I went to my 5th chemotherapy session, one more to go before I get a PET scan to see the chemo is doing anything all, it could be working and the cancer cells shrinking, it could be doing anything at all they could be growing or they could be just staying stagnant.  What gives me hope although I know it's not the best indicator is the CEA levels keep going now, from my 10/26/09 blood draw it was 159 and I guess that horrendous shot to up my white blood cells worked as they were at 5 yesterday.

We had a semi-private room this time, (two other women in it) and it was great cause I was right by the bathroom and could get up and go as much as I needed to (a lot) without bothering anyone else.  The time flew by as we all talked about different things; other cancers and treatments, our side effects and what helps and what doesn't and then we turned to politics and we are Obama haters and think this medical bill passing is chit but thankfully it still has to go through the Senate so maybe it will be better modified or cut off at the knees.

My Oncologist suggested bag balm for my hands and feet at night as that does help the hand/foot syndrome and also because I don't want to take Imodium for the diarrhea she suggested Pepto Bismo as I am really more afraid of the constipation than the diarrhea and the Pepto Bismo will help the diarrhea without throwing me into constipation.

Last night was a good night, ate a late meal and took my compazine and pretty much slept through the night with only one instance  of diarrhea.  Put the bag balm on my hands and feet with socks and gloves and already can see results, I will use this regularly.

On a sad note my Oncologists Assistant's, Assistant is leaving to go to New York.  I am going to miss Julianna she is right there when I need anything from Kristin or my Oncologist ((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))) take care and be well and know you'll be missed Julianna

Hand/Foot syndrome

Okay, better emotionally and things are looking up with me packing a little each day for our move on December 1st (grin) 

Thank you so much all for bearing with me.  My Oncologist is putting me on an antidepressant so hopefully once that gets in my system (about a week) there will be no more meltdowns.

So, last night I noticed my hands are redder than usual (usual being not red at all) and my skin is starting to peel a little bit.  I didn't think with the chemotherapy I am taking that that was a side effect but when I have time (am doing laundry now then have to run to the drugstore) will do research here on the net to see what is going on.  So will report back later today ...................... Have a great and wonderful day everyone.

Here is what I found:


"Hand-Foot Syndrome

Other terms: Palmar-Plantar Erythrodysesthesia; PPE

What is hand-foot syndrome?

Also called hand-foot syndrome or hand-to-foot syndrome, Palmar-Plantar Erythrodysesthesia is a side effect, which can occur with several types of chemotherapy or biologic therapy drugs used to treat cancer. For example, Capecitabine (Xeloda®), 5-Flurouracil (5FU) (FRICK A DUCK, THIS IS ONE OF THE DRUGS I TAKE), continuous-infusion doxorubicin, doxorubicin liposomal (Doxil®), and high-dose Interleukin-2 can cause this skin reaction for some patients. Following administration of chemotherapy, small amounts of drug leak out of very small blood vessels called capillaries in the palms of the hands and soles of the feet. Exposure of your hands and feet to heat as well as friction on your palms and soles increases the amount of drug in the capillaries and increases the amount of drug leakage. This leakage of drug results in redness, tenderness, and possibly peeling of the palms and soles. The redness, also known as palmar-plantar erythema, looks like sunburn. The areas affected can become dry and peel, with numbness or tingling developing. Hand-foot syndrome can be uncomfortable and can interfere with your ability to carry out normal activities.

Things you can do if you suspect hand-foot syndrome (Palmar-Plantar Erythrodysesthesia):

Prevention: Prevention is very important in trying to reduce the development of hand-foot syndrome. Actions taken to prevent hand-foot syndrome will help reduce the severity of symptoms should they develop.

This involves modifying some of your normal daily activities to reduce friction and heat exposure to your hands and feet for a period of time following treatment (approximately one week after IV medication, much as possible during the time you are taking oral (by mouth) medication such as capcitabine).

Avoid long exposure of hands and feet to hot water such as washing dishes, long showers, or tub baths.

Short showers in tepid water will reduce exposure of the soles of your feet to the drug.

Dishwashing gloves should not be worn, as the rubber will hold heat against your palms.

Avoid increased pressure on the soles of the feet or palms of hands.

No jogging, aerobics, power walking, jumping - avoid long days of walking.

You should also avoid using garden tools, household tools such as screwdrivers, and other tasks where you are squeezing your hand on a hard surface.

Using knives to chop food may also cause excessive pressure and friction on your palms.

Cooling procedures:

Cold may provide temporary relief for pain and tenderness caused by hand-foot syndrome.

Placing the palms or bottoms of your feet on an ice pack or a bag of frozen peas may be very comforting. Alternate on and off for 15-20 minutes at a time. (UH DUH I ALSO TAKE AVASTIN AND GET NEUROPATHY FROM IT SO HOW CAN I DO THE COOLING PROCEDURES?)

Lotions:

Rubbing lotion on your palms and soles should be avoided during the same period, although keeping these areas moist is very important between treatments.

Emollients such as Aveeno®, Lubriderm®, Udder Cream®, and Bag Balm® provide excellent moisturizing to your hands and feet.

Pain relief:

Over the counter pain relievers such as acetaminophen (Tylenol®) may be helpful to relieve discomfort associated with hand-foot syndrome. Check with your doctor.

Vitamins:

Taking Vitamin B6 (pyridoxine) may be beneficial to preventing and treating Plantar-Palmar Erythrodysesthesia, and should be discussed with your doctor.

Drugs/treatment changes that may be prescribed by your doctor:

Chemotherapy treatments may need to be interrupted or the dose adjusted to prevent worsening of hand-foot syndrome.

When to call your doctor or health care professional:

If you notice that your palms or soles become red or tender. This most often occurs before any peeling, and recommendations for relief of discomfort can be given. If you are on chemotherapy pills, you may be asked to hold treatment, or need your dose adjusted to prevent worsening of symptoms.

Note: We strongly encourage you to talk with your health care professional about your specific medical condition and treatments. The information contained in this website is meant to be helpful and educational, but is not a substitute for medical advice."

So since Monday is my next chemotherapy session I guess I talk to my oncologist about this, and here today was going okay and now am in tears again as I don't want anymore pain or discomfort but I don't want to stop the treatments especially since this will be my fifth treatment and then the sixth one they do the PET scan to see if the mets have shrunk enough to do other things (ablation, surgery, etc) and I don't want all the time I have put into this to mean nothing.

I am sorry to sound like a cry baby but this is very upsetting to me and I guess I thought I wouldn't have any side effects but maybe fatigue, well there goes that idea. So will talk to my Oncologist on Monday and see what happens.

Downward spiral emotionally

The tooth finally is going to be okay I think although every now and then I have to take a pill when it hurts.  The dentist yesterday took out the medicine for the dry socket and is taking the stitches out next Wednesday.

My bones ache and hurt so much I am guessing from the shot to get my white blood count up or maybe it's arthritis starting, I just know I am in a lot of pain from it.

And twice this past two weeks I have woken up not able to breathe, drowning in my own vomit until I can get it up and cough and take wheezing gulps of air.  I don't know if it's a side effect of the chemo or of the pain pills I have been taking for the teeth and legs.

Around the complex a new development.  Tom and I had a big talk the past couple of days and although I won't get into it here, well the end result is I am a prisoner in our studio apartment.  No, Tom did not tell me I could not leave; the neighbors have kept up their campaign of harassment and one that was supposedly our friend has now joined in and yesterday caught me sitting down at the table by the pool and told me why don't I just leave Tom, he deserves someone who is prettier, slimmer, has beautiful hair and will live a long happy life with him instead of die of cancer if indeed I have cancer at all.

They've won, I came upstairs and locked myself in the studio, and told Tom I will no longer go sit by the pool and drink coffee and type on my computer or look things up, I am broken, they have hurt me worse than I thought anyone could ever hurt me again and I can feel myself spiralling down into depression.

Tom of course thinks this is a wonderful thing, why it's marvelous, we can simply sit at the top of the stairs right outside our studio when I want to smoke and it gives us more time together inside laying in bed cuddling.  Sounds great doesn't it?  Yes it is wonderful to  just stay shut inside in one room all the time and not be "allowed" by neighbors to enjoy the pool area, the beauty of the new day sitting down drinking coffee and watching the sun comes up, I know the symptoms of depression and  I have no appetite  and not because of the chemo, I cry all the time and not because of the chemo.  I have no joy in my life and just want to lay in bed and watch TV  until the  pain pills make me pass out.

But I have to let all these feelings not show and be the "perfect" girlfriend and just stay stuck in the one room studio like a prisoner in a jail cell until we move on December 1st, isn't my life wonderful?............................

In between update

I am on the upswing and feeling better physically as well as mentally and emotionally, and the latter two I really think help from the colon cancer forum and their words and support and from Tom.

WE GOT THE CONDO and move in December 1st!!!!! (GRIN)

That's a between chemo week so I should be able to be productive in helping with putting things away etc (am already packing stuff up as I feel able and we are hiring a moving company to move us).

One of the girls from the Colon Cancer group had said she would play "The Old Rugged Cross" on her dulcimer last night, now I had not even checked the forum last night but do you know I thought I could hear is softly last night and even found myself humming the refrain, true story I kid you not. (soft smiles and trembling lips at the kindness found there).

One more update, since last Monday the tooth has still been killing me, went back to the dentist and yes there is a dry socket, so they opened the gum up, put some medicine in it, put stitches in place and I go back Weds to see if it worked or they have to do it one more time, but even now after the dumbness has worn off there is a teeny ache but nothing like the pain I was having.

Also when you are having chemotherapy and your white blood cell counts go down and they say they have to give you a shot and you "might" feel pain in your bones? Believe me, you do! Icy/hot has been my friend the past week as leg and knee bones hurt so much.

I feel so silly letting little things get me down but you all and Tom are giving me strength I never thought I would have and I am fighting with all I have with positivity, taking care of myself, watching what I eat (especially the sugar) Also Tom and I have started our road on the talk to what I need from him and what he needs to expect when I am in a bad way from the chemo or just the cancer or just emotional and I am learning from him what he needs from me and what I can do to help him help me and help us. We still have a ways to go in communication on that side but we are communicating and that is what really counts.

Also, my wonderful Tom took me to my first live football game ever and even though his Chargers beat my Raiders we had a wonderful time. Thank you so much honey for giving me that gift.

(((((((((((Hugs and super thank you to everyone))))))))))))))))