My surgeon is very very pleased with the way everything is healing and says within two weeks I should be past any of the danger points and hopefully past the few pain points I have now. I have a wonderful circular pattern of now closed holes on my stomach where she laparoscopically closed the hernia after pushing everything back where it needed to be then sutured the mesh to the flesh to close the hole (The hernia was pretty damn big!) and I once more have a flat stomach (grins). I don't have to go back to see her for any more checkups or anything unless I get worried about something, feel changes in the area or have pain past the next two weeks. I love my Surgeon.
On the other hand I hate my Oncologist, I hate my Oncologist, I hate my Oncologist.
Why you ask? Short and to the point, because he has no human compassion and refuses to listen to a word I say or take under consideration my requests of him.
He has ordered a PET scan to see how much more damage has been done by the cancer since I have not had chemotherapy since July 19th and I asked him if the damage is not too severe that I will still be able to do chemotherapy could he at the time of the PET scan (Oh he had my chest X-ray done from before my hernia surgery but refused to tell me anything about it) if he could give me a time line if I did not do chemotherapy versus if I did do chemotherapy on life expectancy so "I" can make an informed choice if "I" feel the time gained by more chemotherapy would outweigh the likely hood of highly increased side effects judging from July 19th's chemotherapy versus quality of life if I don't do chemotherapy.
He flat out told me no, then proceeded to give me a lecture about I should be happy each and every day and smile and not think about when I start going downhill as "HE" will tell me about 3-4 months before I die. He said "You look fine now and the clincal trial (the same one he has been dangling in front of me like a carrot for a year now and is STILL on FDA clinical lockdown) will be open in January (There is no way he can know this so he's a liar) and we will get you started on it then.
There are so many things this many lies about or won't help ease my mind about or just give me the damn truth about it makes me go into panic attacks. I told Tom from now on HE can talk to the Oncologist as I have nothing more to say to the man.
Anyways we went back and forth in a hollering match until I was again in tears and total panic attack and am basically living off valium to keep from losing my mind at this point as I don't know what to do now. Oh and he told me I was not his only patient and so he could not spend all the time talking with me that I demand when I see him? My fricking insurance companies pay him $200 for each office visit and he wants to brush me off with five minutes and a "do as I tell you with no questions attitude".
Tom totally does not understand my feelings about all this and I told him like I said before, "From now on when we go to see the Oncologist you talk to him and you make the decisions and when he screws up like he did when he forgot I had the KRAS mutation and wanted to put me on Vecibix, it's on your head when you decide we go ahead and do it and I suffer the side effects for nothing."
Anyways I hope ya'll are having a better time of it. You are all in my thoughts and prayers and I will come into the forum sometime this week to try and help others and take my mind off my own thoughts. Oh and I see a MSW every friday for therapy, she comes to my house so hopefully this will help with my panic and anxiety attacks.
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