A thanks, words and a question

Thank you all for such wonderful ideas, thoughts and just plain support. Sheila, your words along with everyone else's give me the courage to go on along with the fact I have not had an easy life (my fault) before I met Tom and everyone has always referred to me as a "survivor" truth be told, I hate that word as it gives me an illusion of "strength" that I really don't have.


Swisecar I will do research on the compound when I can and Bruce ((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))) Thank you for your care and your words. I am glad to hear about the Avastin although not a big fan of it as it has given me high blood pressure I wonder why it was pulled for breast cancer? Going to do a little research on that also when I can.

I went and had my pack undone yesterday and I almost threw up the minute they pushed the flushes in (Saline and Heparin) I was so sick afterwards I just wanted to lay down and die and not move, although my side effects of the chemo itself are not all that bad right at this time but I am not letting my guard down.

Tom has asked me when I feel a bit better (as in can sit up for longer periods of time, will explain in a minute) to start checking Craigslist and other places to have someone come in twice a month for a good cleaning of condo. I feel ambivalent about this; on one hand the house will get cleaned better than I can now and on the other hand I feel like a failure for not being able to do it myself, and yes I know I am not a failure but it hurts me that I cannot do things for Tom and I that need to be done.

So I have a question of those who have mets to lungs and liver, I am not sure where it is coming from (am a bit of a dunderhead about anatomy) but I feel like a horse has kicked me in the lower ribs. I am having trouble drawing breath and have to take vicodin to sit up and be on the computer for any amount of time or such things. My first Oncologist back when I was diagnosed had explained to me what happens when the cancer gets to certain points with certain organs and now I am worrying that perhaps my lungs are being more affected than I or the Oncologist thinks. When I call next Thursday to get my CEA results I will also pose that question but for now am not sure it qualifies as a call to my Oncologist or rather his PA. Just wondering if any body else has this problem and what if anything helps?

So going to lay back down again and relax for a time, am on to the kick of "Desperate Housewives" and these peoples trouble really help me ignore my own for a time (Laughing hard as this show is really something).

Take care and love to all and you are all in my thoughts and prayers.

Marsha