Can't sleep, worried, irritable, depressed

Well yesterday I guess I hit the overload button and went off on Tom, crying and letting out things I had let build up in me.  I am so very thankful to have him in my life he is a wonderful man, yet sometimes, it's like I am the last person he considers.  I guess it's just my anxiety over my chemotherapy session which will be today and wondering why my blood pressure keeps going up when I have never had high blood pressure in my life.  It's not bad enough yet the Dr. is putting me on meds for it but what if  it does get that high?

I feel guilty about Tom having to take me to the Dr's and then staying with me for the treatments, maybe today I'll ask him to just drop me off and then I'll call him when I am done and ready to go home, and maybe I can check into the van that they say I can sign up for to come get me.  I just feel bad about taking up his time on his days off. 

And it doesn't help that he really doesn't talk to me about things, I mean we talk, we laugh, we have discussions but never about "us" and if we do I initiate it.  And I don't want to  become the girlfriend who says "we have to talk".  Maybe I need to talk to my Dr. about depression medication, I'll see.

Tom fell out of love with his wife, what happens if he falls out of love with me?  I am so anxious lately and worried and I don't want to be.  I am just tired, just so very tired and to have Tom not talk to me about important things like going to court on Thursday, and my mood swings and well other intimate things.

Last night he took a neighbor to the store and I woke up and he wasn't home, well I went to the door in time to see him and the neighbor walk right by me on the lower level and heard their conversation, then he comes home and I ask just casually what they talked about, he says nothing.  Fine you don't want to tell me then don't tell me but ....................

I know I shouldn't be griping as he is my miracle and I am lucky to have him but I am only human and a broken one at that.....................................................